i need an iv and a liver transplant
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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