My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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