Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
