how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
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You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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