I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
