He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
