Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
