ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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