It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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