Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
