According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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