my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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