i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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