a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
