Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
