i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
