State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
