I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
