How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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