She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
