I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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