We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
