so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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