There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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