She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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