sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
