He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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