he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
