I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am one with the molecules
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
