I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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