Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
