It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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