Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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