She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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