Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
