At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
