Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
