its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
