I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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