Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
