i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
