I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
