Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
