We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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