i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
