i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
