My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
