i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
