you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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