so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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