on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
