I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
