Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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