you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
