I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
