for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
