I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
