I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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