Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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