i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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