There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
this is an emotional support booty call
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
