We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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