if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
