i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
