I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
