the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i now understand why vodka
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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