Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
