Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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