We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
