just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
These tits shall not be calmed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
