Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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