mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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