1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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