my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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