if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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