bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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