C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
