Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
