I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
