Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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